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The Cretin’s Top Ten Tips to Being the Greatest Writer Ever

Friday, 8th March, 2013

by Chris Andrews (at fandelyon.com)

1. Don’t hold back.

Bruce Lee taught martial arts and he was the best at what he did. What’s more, he got good by beating the snot out of people. Words, however, are your weapons, so verbally abuse your competitors with cutting cynicism and bludgeoning sarcasm via book reviews and online critique groups. Keep practicing until you master the one move Bruce Lee never could – hitting below the belt.

2. Get an agent.

Why? Instant street cred. Aim for a sexy one too – they look great on your arm at writer-type parties and book launches. Avoid marrying them though – marriages never end well and that kills productivity. In fact, circumvent any physical contact more intimate than joint signatures on adoption papers at a dog shelter – you don’t want to risk children as nappy fumes suffocate creativity. Read more…

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